Guess What's On the Menu Tonight
by Squito
Summary: Response to Rowena DeVandal’s One Thousand Words or Less August Challenge. Ax decides to take a whack at cooking, much to the other Animorphs' dismay.


Author's Note: This is in Cassie's POV. The story is a response to Rowena DeVandal's One Thousand Words or Less August Challenge.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Animorphs.

**Guess What's On the Menu Tonight**

"I can't believe you thought _that_ was a good idea!" Marco groaned. "_Why_ did you let Ax borrow your dad's grill?"

"Well, Ax is homesick and what better way to alleviate that than get him interested in Earth hobbies?" I said. "He really liked my dad's chili—"

Jake shuddered. "He's insane. That stuff left my tongue sore for a week. Ow!" He rubbed his knee, glancing sheepishly at me.

"Anyway, he decided he wanted to try cooking for himself," I said. "I decided to give him something simple to try: burgers. Tobias is watching him."

"Ah yes, let the bird with no thumbs supervise him," Marco grumbled. "You know that his food standards are _slightly_ lower than ours, don't you? He eats mice for God's sake! Ax's gonna end up serving us squirrel!"

"Okay, even Ax wouldn't do that," Jake said.

"Wanna bet? We're talking about the guy who chows down on cigarette butts and guzzles gasoline faster than an SUV," Marco snapped.

"Good point. Maybe we should…" Jake stopped, nostrils twitching. "Um, does anyone smell anything…burning?"

We looked at each other in horror, turned, and sprinted towards the way of the smoke—which was also on the same way to Ax's scoop. Was he all right? How far had the fire spread?

"AX!" we shouted, rushing through a thick cluster of brambles and bushes into the small area Ax had made his scoop in. In the center, a dense, black shroud of smoke rose and I gagged at the wretched stench, coughing. In its midst, I could faintly see a light blue-and-tan figure moving frantically, stomping his hooves and waving his arms.

There was a sudden _splash_ noise and Ax appeared, his dark green eyes rimmed red, wheezing slightly. What worried us more was the object in his hands: a ceramic plate with three squashed, burnt burgers. He saw us and made one of those odd smiles Andalites make without mouths.

"Next time Rachel leaves town to visit her dad, remind me to join her," Marco mumbled.

Tobias, in human morph, stepped out of the now dissipating smoke, swinging a bucket at his side. He waved at us and bent over, coughing.

"I'm going to regret asking, but what happened?" Jake said, frowning.

"Ax …turned around to …check the instructions in the cookbook and knocked the grill over with his tail," Tobias said. "He ended up setting some bushes on fire and I grabbed the bucket that—"

(Prince Jake! Cassie, Marco!) Ax crowed happily. (I want to know your opinions on my first time creating Earth culinary art.)

"Um, Ax, where's my dad's grill?" I asked.

(I will replace it as soon I can,) Ax said offhandedly, offering the plate to Jake, who had a mix of curiosity and fear on his face.

"You're kidding me!" I groaned. "First the truck, now the grill. My dad's going to have a heart attack at this rate."

Ax appeared crestfallen. (I am extremely sorry, Cassie. I didn't mean to—)

I sighed. "It's fine." I gestured at the remaining burger on the plate, as Jake and Marco had already grabbed theirs. "So, let's see how you did." Hesitantly, I picked up the sandwich, staring at the blackened bits of meat and the crisp bun. I held it up to my nose. Smelled okay except for the slight charcoal-like odor. I took a quick bite, closing my eyes, expecting…

"Not too bad, Ax," Jake said. "I mean, it's burnt and all, but it's good for your first try."

Marco shrugged. "Not up to Mickey D's or Wendy's, but hey, for an alien who normally eats grass, it's okay. Could use some ketchup and pickles, though."

(Thank you,) Ax said, beaming. (What're your thoughts, Cassie? Is it up to par for human cuisine?)

"Yeah," I said. "Though, it tastes kinda weird."

"You're right," Jake said. "What meat did you give him?"

I stopped chewing. "I thought Tobias got the meat. Didn't you?"

"No. I thought _you_ did."

"Hey, Ax-man, where'd you get the meat for these? No offense, but I didn't think you had any cash on you to get any at the supermarket," Marco said. "Are you holding a job while we're at school?"

I finished my burger and wiped my hands on my trousers. "You didn't steal it, did you?"

Ax snorted, indignant. (An Andalite warrior would never wrongfully take the belongings from another person unless absolutely necessary.) He looked at Marco. (And no, I don't have an occupation.)

"Then how did you…?" Jake shut his mouth. I had an ominous feeling none of us wanted to know the answer.

(I found an abundant source of animal carcasses that none of the humans nearby wanted, so therefore it's not stealing,) Ax said. (All I had to do was wait for an animal and vehicle to meet each other, and gather up the remains.)

"Oh my God…" Tobias's cheeks swelled and he gasped for breath, laughing, his belly shaking with convulsions.

I felt a very different kind of turbulence in my abdomen. "_Where_ you did find them?"

Ax nodded. (On one of the larger ground transportation pathways.)

"You fed us roadkill?" Marco squeaked. His skin tone faded to a greenish shade and he stumbled back into the bushes. I heard a loud crash and a wet splatter.

(Is there something wrong?) Ax asked, perplexed.

Jake grimaced. "Ax, I think you'd better stay away from cooking for a while. Leave it to the professionals like Mario. Why don't you try something like gardening?"

(What did I do?)

"This is just one of those things you won't understand about humans," Jake said. "We're picky when it comes to food."

"Blech!"

I groaned, starting to feel even more nauseated as the mound of whatever-Ax-had-found tried to escape back the way it had come. "I did not just eat roadkill."

Tobias looked at me. "If it makes you feel better to believe that, go right ahead."


End file.
